The Cotman Letters 1838-1864

Felt on having injured one who could be so kind in spite of my ill
conduct was great I wept and vowed never again to err thus to
one so good.- At this time my Father was employed on a work
of great labor by which he expected to found an independence
sufficient to enable him to persue his studies as an artist
with advantage, intense labor and want of sufficient success
tended much to depress his spirits and render his temper
harsh the effects on our own was much felt I am sure.
Solitude as a child I loved intensely (and shall I think always
although when one wants friends it becomes painful.) The green
fields with the cattle sheep and horses grazing the running
stream the little wooden bridge traversed in the early morning
when the clear sky and the bright sun made everything joyous
made a stronger impression on me than any other scene that I have
seen since. The sea on the other hand always delighted me
much but appears not to exist in associations with childhood.-
Change of residence removed me from all these scenes with
which I had become familiar and much did I feel the loss
of what stood to me as friends school with its short lesson
made me idle one or two tasks however were so difficult in
comparison that I determined to evade them and did so I fear
to my cost successfully. On being placed with my Uncle
my detestation of business, a sensation of pride felt
degraded.- mind always occupied with other things, absent
to a degree.- on leaving my Uncle and business I found
change of employment and increased leisure very delightful.
Followed my calling languidly not comprehending it and
feeling incapable of it.- At this time I met with one
who has shewn me much kindness but I always was wayward
and fear I always shall, there was much in him I admired
and strove to emulate, a new friend made us for a time a
trio and time rolled on with me happily, heart expanded
with kindly feeling and ones spirit kindled by the com-
panianship of one who was a true and enthusiastic admirer