The Cotman Collection | 95

The Cotman Letters 1838-1864

Archive: SDK Sydney Decimus Kitson Archive
Reference Number: SDK/1/3/1/5
Page: 95

  • Description

    Journal of John Joseph Cotman [December 1838?]


  • Transcription

    Felt on having injured one who could be so kind in spite of my ill
    conduct was great I wept and vowed never again to err thus to
    one so good.- At this time my Father was employed on a work
    of great labor by which he expected to found an independence
    sufficient to enable him to persue his studies as an artist
    with advantage, intense labor and want of sufficient success
    tended much to depress his spirits and render his temper
    harsh the effects on our own was much felt I am sure.
    Solitude as a child I loved intensely (and shall I think always
    although when one wants friends it becomes painful.) The green
    fields with the cattle sheep and horses grazing the running
    stream the little wooden bridge traversed in the early morning
    when the clear sky and the bright sun made everything joyous
    made a stronger impression on me than any other scene that I have
    seen since. The sea on the other hand always delighted me
    much but appears not to exist in associations with childhood.-
    Change of residence removed me from all these scenes with
    which I had become familiar and much did I feel the loss
    of what stood to me as friends school with its short lesson
    made me idle one or two tasks however were so difficult in
    comparison that I determined to evade them and did so I fear
    to my cost successfully. On being placed with my Uncle
    my detestation of business, a sensation of pride felt
    degraded.- mind always occupied with other things, absent
    to a degree.- on leaving my Uncle and business I found
    change of employment and increased leisure very delightful.
    Followed my calling languidly not comprehending it and
    feeling incapable of it.- At this time I met with one
    who has shewn me much kindness but I always was wayward
    and fear I always shall, there was much in him I admired
    and strove to emulate, a new friend made us for a time a
    trio and time rolled on with me happily, heart expanded
    with kindly feeling and ones spirit kindled by the com-
    panianship of one who was a true and enthusiastic admirer