The Cotman Collection | 99

The Cotman Letters 1838-1864

Archive: SDK Sydney Decimus Kitson Archive
Reference Number: SDK/1/3/1/5
Page: 99


  • Description

    Journal of John Joseph Cotman [December 1838?]

    Date:

  • Transcription

    quite without cause that I must to make matters right
    part from my friends. This the cause of much anxiety
    and depression in the first place and then reacted in a high
    state of excitement. (disease and powerful medicine had
    been at about this tome) circumstances occurred of a
    singular nature. Meeting with a relation whose mind
    had long been unhinged mention is made of circumstances
    trivial and absurd in themselves but from coincidence
    being singular. And to me then in a high and I think
    now almost delirious state of excitement they appeared
    wondrous. A journey to London on which I caught a violent
    cold producing violent pain in the head delicious state
    of activity arising from this excitement. The mind at
    last adopts a set of false notions which led to much
    mischief and gave ones friends much distress. I was
    myself in much fear of this at the time and took much
    pains to have the advice of my friends they at first
    thought lightly of it and did not see its extent for
    some time or I think it might have been easily prevented
    which is better always than cure. The harsh part of
    ones treatment will I fear leave an impression whilst I
    live it was all unnecessary and absurd I would say much
    on this head but see no purpose that would be served
    by it now. The artificial state of existence which
    was then forced on me was highly injurious and
    served to foster nothing which intercourse with the
    world would have prevented. On recovery the painful
    effect of finding ones air built castles falling and
    vanishing into air depressed me much nor have I to
    this day recovered quite from the shock but circumstances
    no longer favor one I am now alone, and one worldly
    affairs embarrassed one few years older and so if life
    has lost a glow to me must not so much wonder all
    that remains to do is to square oneself with the world