Archive: SDK Sydney Decimus Kitson Archive
Reference Number: SDK/1/3/1/5
Page: 99
Description
Journal of John Joseph Cotman [December 1838?]
Date:
Transcription
quite without cause that I must to make matters right
part from my friends. This the cause of much anxiety
and depression in the first place and then reacted in a high
state of excitement. (disease and powerful medicine had
been at about this tome) circumstances occurred of a
singular nature. Meeting with a relation whose mind
had long been unhinged mention is made of circumstances
trivial and absurd in themselves but from coincidence
being singular. And to me then in a high and I think
now almost delirious state of excitement they appeared
wondrous. A journey to London on which I caught a violent
cold producing violent pain in the head delicious state
of activity arising from this excitement. The mind at
last adopts a set of false notions which led to much
mischief and gave ones friends much distress. I was
myself in much fear of this at the time and took much
pains to have the advice of my friends they at first
thought lightly of it and did not see its extent for
some time or I think it might have been easily prevented
which is better always than cure. The harsh part of
ones treatment will I fear leave an impression whilst I
live it was all unnecessary and absurd I would say much
on this head but see no purpose that would be served
by it now. The artificial state of existence which
was then forced on me was highly injurious and
served to foster nothing which intercourse with the
world would have prevented. On recovery the painful
effect of finding ones air built castles falling and
vanishing into air depressed me much nor have I to
this day recovered quite from the shock but circumstances
no longer favor one I am now alone, and one worldly
affairs embarrassed one few years older and so if life
has lost a glow to me must not so much wonder all
that remains to do is to square oneself with the world