The Cotman Letters 1838-1864

(12. 8. '41)
(3) 173

from the easiest &, of course, the lowest of all low vices - & one I have even
abhorred. Have I done so?
To speak further of myself, I am the same hard working person you
first found me in Wymer Street - and years after told me you apprec-
iated me for it, & that it was the course of your attention being directed to my
advancement. Excuse my having as good a memory as yourself in
some things. But it was not hard work to me. It was my play. There-
fore I cannot take credit to myself for that which is not in my nature. For hard
work I detest, and might - had I been put to it - been a sad idler, & I
am afraid I should have been so, for I know I have naturally many bad
qualities. Doing anything I dislike, for me, keeping accounts, for
another, and a thousand others. This play, or work, has kept me up
these nights per week for two or three entire London Winters. Sometimes
even four - to the now serious loss of vigour & health. But I wd. not
calculate on “the last pound that was to break the Camel's back” - Your
[ ] again - pardon my rudeness in there reminding you
how much I really studied your truisms. And in my vanity I proved
myself to be the Frog in the Fable, when he fancied he could be as big as the
Ox - by supposing myself to have as strong & as good a constitution as
yourself.
My Doctors know I have done all this, but say if they had not known it
they would not have believed it possible, and did not believe another
person existed that could do it. Your son, Gurney Turner, M.D., can
be one of the witnesses to this lamentable fact - for he most kindly
assisted me with his advice. My kind friend, Mr. Bulwin, was always
cautioning me against this outrage upon nature & told me clearly its
consequences, & that nature could not be so outraged with impunity.
I had an object to gain, and my days were too short. Wilful, I wd.
persist & do it. And my object is gained. Come & see what I can give
my pupils. Even the whole of there holidays I have been working
everyday for them, save but one. The almost only fine day this season my
family & myself spent a lovely day at Greenwich, my delightful place.
And who w[oul]d not work hard for such pupils as I have; such
pupils! Why, I love them all, and I believe they respect me. For