The Cotman Letters 1838-1864

105

get together many facts which I may one day turn to account.
I think one should with regard to ones worldly affairs,
look well at the circumstances directly influencing you,
and make arrangements to meet them and do the best
under them; for instance I am at this moment embarrassed
to the amount of £200 or £300 and with an income of but
80 my expenses I think are quite that per annum
unavoidably I am bound by this to refuse nothing which
will bring in money and also to economise as much as
possible . This being done it is equally important that I
should so enjoy my time that by increase of power,
knowledge and experience I shall render myself so much
more capable of being useful that I may reasonably expect
to increase my income as years roll on. I have often thought
that some inferior station in life would hold me best but
this under the semblance of virtuous humility is no
less than pride or laziness and folly for each station has
its difficulties and by a mere descent I should gain
nothing but might lose much. And again in life is
a struggle, and must be, unless the mind has or can
make to itself some object of desire it will be blank and
miserable. we should often look forward and form or
try to form some notion of what the result of our
endeavours will be but it should be only occasionally,
for to live actively and usefully at the time present is
more important and they need not the one oppose the other.
I have smoked and enjoy it but think to abandon it
as {added – an} expensive habit I can do without; it will not do I
take ones friends cigars not buying them oneself, it is
jus Xmas time and I shall see soon how I stand with the
world my creditors are most kind and liberal. I will
pay those who have let me alone first and then
those who have not been benefited by my dealings
those who were the gainers by my custom when I had it