Archive: SDK Sydney Decimus Kitson Archive
Reference Number: SDK/1/3/1/5
Page: 103
Description
Journal of John Joseph Cotman [December 1838]
Date:
Transcription
it must not least be an harmless one, I shall leave no name
to give my thoughts weight even should they be in them-
selves sound and good but by intercourse with friends
whom I respected I have learned much and by laying
ones thoughts before them have often corrected them I
am now without such intercourse and adopt this as a
substitute.- And I have felt that when affliction has
appeared to weigh heavily on me that putting my thoughts
the to paper has been a great relief; there are many
things I often feel desirous to achieve, but they pass from
me, and having no-one to communicate with they leave
no trace {crossed out – of} by which they might be recalled.- One of the
defects in my character is now and has been indecision
and want of perseverance, when depressed I feel that
want of power leaves me poor and useless nut I think on
looking back that if I can compel myself to travel on in
the roads I have marked out for myself \i may yet obtain
that stability and self respect which will give me as large
a share of happiness as fall to the lot of man. Of this I
feel sure, that industry alone can lead to great results, no
matter what the course, and from this time I determine
to strive to conquer self and to do more of all good things.
I believe myself as deserving of success as most men it
remains to be proved the result.
What I have now written may in the case of success
shew what perseverance will do and may be useful; and it
is vain for man constituted as he is to say that he is
reckless of the world's regard; these sentiments are expressed
only by those who by folly or misfortune lose it. I say this
for I have often said and felt otherwise. I rather hope too
that the habit of writing even thus loosely may give me
power of writing with more effect and clearness should
occasion require it. I think I shall often make extracts
from the books I read as by that means I shall also