The Cotman Collection | 103

The Cotman Letters 1838-1864

Archive: SDK Sydney Decimus Kitson Archive
Reference Number: SDK/1/3/1/5
Page: 103


  • Description

    Journal of John Joseph Cotman [December 1838]

    Date:

  • Transcription

    it must not least be an harmless one, I shall leave no name
    to give my thoughts weight even should they be in them-
    selves sound and good but by intercourse with friends
    whom I respected I have learned much and by laying
    ones thoughts before them have often corrected them I
    am now without such intercourse and adopt this as a
    substitute.- And I have felt that when affliction has
    appeared to weigh heavily on me that putting my thoughts
    the to paper has been a great relief; there are many
    things I often feel desirous to achieve, but they pass from
    me, and having no-one to communicate with they leave
    no trace {crossed out – of} by which they might be recalled.- One of the
    defects in my character is now and has been indecision
    and want of perseverance, when depressed I feel that
    want of power leaves me poor and useless nut I think on
    looking back that if I can compel myself to travel on in
    the roads I have marked out for myself \i may yet obtain
    that stability and self respect which will give me as large
    a share of happiness as fall to the lot of man. Of this I
    feel sure, that industry alone can lead to great results, no
    matter what the course, and from this time I determine
    to strive to conquer self and to do more of all good things.
    I believe myself as deserving of success as most men it
    remains to be proved the result.
    What I have now written may in the case of success
    shew what perseverance will do and may be useful; and it
    is vain for man constituted as he is to say that he is
    reckless of the world's regard; these sentiments are expressed
    only by those who by folly or misfortune lose it. I say this
    for I have often said and felt otherwise. I rather hope too
    that the habit of writing even thus loosely may give me
    power of writing with more effect and clearness should
    occasion require it. I think I shall often make extracts
    from the books I read as by that means I shall also